A long time waiting

Wow, what a long time between posts.

I said at the beginning I was bad at this sort of thing. College certainly doesn't help much.

I don't think anyone comes here anymore. And if they do, hello!

If they don't, that's fine. This could easily be my place to post my thoughts. This could easily be a place to get stuff written down for when I'm stressed or overworked with thoughts.

This will be my secret little place...

Love Is...

Love is accepting someone for who they are, and being there when times are rough. Love is a trust so deep, you know that nothing could break it, yet anything could. Love is knowing you’re not alone, and that someone will always be thinking of you somewhere. Love is doing what you desire, with nothing there to hold you back.

Hate is brought on by jealousy, pain, and anguish. Hate is made through words of distrust, words of sorrow, words of cruelty and mistrust. Hate is shown through anger or degrading acts caused by an outside force. Hate is frustration in work and in people.

Depression is feeling like there’s nothing left to live for, losing everything you held dear, and falling into a dark pit of despair within your own mind. Depression is hearing the words of hate, even when no one is speaking out loud. Depression is the everlasting pain that seems to grow as often as it dwindles, and never fully leaves. Depression is thinking nothing is within your reach.

Love is the most universal, and the most changing. Love is something that can be for one person or many, for an object or creature, for a place or a memory. Love is able to cause happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety, passion, trust, heartbreak…

No matter the feeling, love is the greatest tool of all. Acceptance for something can build relationships that may one day be the greatest you’d ever come across. Pushing something away without giving it a chance or to even try to understand it does more harm than good.

Doing what’s right can be hard, but a society that doesn’t hate on principle is something to live for.

One day, I want children that I’ll love no matter what. I’d wake them every midnight on their birthday just to be the first one to wish them a happy one. I’d hold them and cherish them no matter what they may be. I dream of happier days where my unborn children can be happy and free to be whoever they want to be, days where different aspects of the world don't push at one another because they can’t agree.

I wish for a life I can truly call free, a life where no one tells you you’re wrong, a life where beliefs aren’t shoved down your throat and everything is accepted, no matter a person’s own personal thoughts on it. I wish for a world where love is all that matters, and the hate is pushed out of the equation — where depression is a thing of the past.

Love is accepting something without worry on what it means for you, because no one asked you to understand every last detail — just to know that we’re all people and should be treated as such.

Porcelain Doll

Story I wrote a while ago. Originally, it was a fanfiction for something and the original can be found on my deviant art if you must read it. I've changed the names (as they are the only indicators to being apart of the fandom) and made it completely original. Enjoy.

—

My skin was smooth like the mirror I gaze into. Rose lips contrasting pale skin stood out to my sight, cheekbones highlighted by the pink hue that dust them consistently. The eyes that stare into the glass were mine, so deep and emotionless, yet so stunning. Black, pencil straight hair tops the head, a gleam of light sparkling in the locks. My hair wasn’t too long, but it was just as gorgeous as the rest of the mirrored image. I would have smiled at the sight of my beautiful image, but I knew my mouth didn’t work.

I am just a doll after all.

Perhaps I was vain. I would stare at myself all day long in that display window, acting as though I couldn’t feel. As though I couldn’t move… I knew the truth, knew that I could very well stand and leave.

If I really wanted to, that is. It wasn’t the case however—as I quite like the spot I sat in. I enjoy the looks the people just beyond my reach sent me.

The man who helped me down from my perch always chided that their envious looks shouldn’t be needed. No one could look as elegant as a porcelain doll.

He didn’t know it, but I envied them. At least, I believed it was envy—I have never felt anything before. I was jealous of their will to move, their ability to speak.

The people’s ability to do anything aside from looking beautiful was exactly what I envied.

Oh, but it wasn’t like I minded too much. Of course not, I knew my place—in the window sill, modeling new outfits of the store. That is where I belong.

Yet every passing day, there is only one human to look into the display window and send me a look of longing. It was different from the rest; he didn’t look at me for envy of my gorgeousness, but for something else.

I still have no idea what it is he wants of me—if not my looks, then what could he be longing for?

At that very moment, I saw him approach the glass to stare at me in the same way; just as he did every day. I return his stare, but I knew nothing gleams in my eyes like his did.

That spark was there again, just like every other time. His mouth was hanging open slightly, the ringlets of brown hair framing his handsome features. My sight remains on the green eyes that sparkle with the form of intensity I’d never seen.

For a moment, I thought he would leave and our staring contest would end again for another day. I didn’t want him to go now, but there was no stopping the inevitable. It would happen, I knew it, and he’d be back again for another day.

However, he says something to himself as he places a hand to the glass of my chamber. I nearly flinch, only to remember I couldn’t do such a thing.

I am just a doll after all.

He nods his head as though I had answered him and hurries into the shop I sat within. I wish to turn my head to watch him, a full frown covering my lips for the first time since I could remember. It was impossible for me to turn to him however, as I was to just sit here and look pretty.

“Are you absolutely positive about this, sir?” The man I usually was taken down by was approaching me far too early to end the day. I nearly swung around to find out what the problem was, but found that I could not before being taken down from my pedestal.

A grunt was his only answer, but I had a feeling I knew who it was.

He turns with me in his arms, and my sight could finally rest on the one the man was speaking to. My eyes would have widened in surprise despite having the idea it was him.

Those same green eyes from outside were staring at me again, his mouth agape once more and I suddenly had an idea what the emotion was.

Desire. Want. Lust…

I want to gasp and tell my helper man that he was having dirty human thoughts about me. That this man he was handing me over to wanted something from me that I knew I wouldn’t be able to deliver.

“Thank you for this…” His voice was soft, almost as though he weren’t really speaking. But his lips were by my ear and I could hear every word from his breathy voice.

It tickles my ear.

He bows lightly, moving to leave my home with me still in his hold. I felt the need to flail and demand he take me back, but it was impossible.

This man wanted me for something dolls weren’t meant to do.

—

“You look so much like someone I once knew…” He murmurs to me, leaning even closer to catch my painted lips with his.

I only blink in response as he pulls away, leaving me to sit on the chair.

With each passing day, he grew bolder with what he did to me. I was almost appalled that he hadn’t taken me yet, but I soon realized what he was doing. As he grew bolder, I began to move like a human. Why, just the other day I had smiled at him.

His words were kind, sweet things that no one had ever said to me.

Perhaps I had misplaced that look in his eye. It couldn’t be lust, not with the way he treated my porcelain skin. The way he touched me and held me…

Maybe I hadn’t noticed it before, but now I was starting to become aware.

“Love.” I whisper to him, stopping his form from leaving the room I reside in. He turns to me, those green eyes wide in surprise.

I am just as surprised, my own eyes widening with shock.

We stare at one another, just like we used to when I sat in that window all those weeks ago. He hesitates, but a small grin takes over his caressing lips.

“Yes… love.”

He left the room after that, and I suddenly felt empty again.

What was love? I never knew the word before and now I spoke as though I knew everything about feelings.

Spoke… I feel the air take over my lungs with the gasping breath I take. “I… can speak?” I murmur to myself, my lips barely moving.

Slowly, ever so smoothly, I tilt my head down to look at my arm as I try to move it. The first thing I notice was the resounding crack that rang in my ears before the splits marred my arm.

I knew what was happening, but I didn’t want to stop. I was moving! For the first time on my own, I was moving.

The glass of my skin broke away completely, a resounding shatter reverberating in his home. I fall to the floor and stare out at nothing in particular. A smile took to my lips, a happiness welling inside me that I’d been able to move.

His thumping footsteps were the first thing to make a sound after my sudden break. I do my best to look up at him in the doorway, wanting to express my happiness at having been able to move.

“K-Kara…” Hans mumbles, moving closer to the broken pieces that fell through my skin. “You’re…”

I wish to nod and laugh at his unease, but something was stopping me. “I’ve become human, Hans…”

Watching him carefully, I take in every feature I could. However, I notice the only thing worth looking into were those stunning green eyes he possessed. They were shaking and wide, fear in the depths of them. For some reason, I knew why he was afraid.

“I felt very alive then.” I try to assure him, wanting to reach up and calm him with my own caressing hand. I found that I could not, but not because I am a doll.

I am broken.

“I’m so sorry, Kara…” His soft voice echoes in my mind, the sight of his fearful and loving gaze making me want to laugh in joy.

Hans loves me. His love and attention—affection instead of jealousy—had broken through my hollow shell. He turned me human for once in my life. I was happy. There was just one problem with that though, as it is impossible for me to be human.

I was just a doll aft—

Start of it All

I'm not very consistent with blogs like this. In fact, I used to have a blog here before it was run by Google and, while it was fun, I don't remember the name or if it even exists anymore. I gave up on it in my sophomore year of high school.

I'm a freshman in college now, and have been asked by a good friend if I wanted to be featured on her blog. I said yes, and now every Monday, I will get to write on her blog for a "Melanie Monday". I'm still figuring out what I'd like to write on hers, as well as what I plan to write here. I think I may make this a weekly thing for myself as well, and only post on Wednesdays to my own while posting on Monday's to hers.

If you're interested, her name is Susan and her blog is wonderfully written. She tells about her day, her ideas, and many other things in her own blog. I think I may do the same here, though be warned: I am all over the place with my writings and if I were to talk about my story ideas, you could get confused.

Following that, I'm a girl of fandoms and may end up talking about them on here and ideas I may have for fanfiction. Don't worry about that though, there's a reason I'm comfortable talking about fanfiction like this and it has a lot to do with the writing process. I may even write about it on Susan's blog my first day. In any case, I most likely will end up only mentioning those and talking mostly about the stories I plan to one day publish.

Anyway, thank you for taking time to read this. I hope you have a splendid evening. :)